At first glance this walk way may not look like much. You may think it is a little shabby even. What if I told you it is nestled in one of the most quaint and beautiful seaside Italian towns I have ever visited? What if I told you that on this street you will find the most delicious basil gelato that has ever touched your lips and a pizza counter with pizza slices that would make the Ninja Turtles jealous. Crispy thin crust, homemade sauce, and quarter size dollops of farm fresh mozzarella.
Looking a little better?
This is what divorce in a family centered church culture feels and looks like at first. All you can see is a dingy old alley with manholes. Let me tell you a story.
I was the first of my friends to get divorced. The first of my cousins. The first of my siblings. Hopefully, the only of my siblings. When I got divorced my children were babies. My son was five and my daughter was two. My whole world had crashed around me and I was a shell of a person. I was so lonely and because of how I felt I ostracized myself from my married friends. Somehow, I didn’t feel worthy or like I belonged. My anxiety and insecurities swallowed me whole. I was my own worst enemy.
I had no clue how to find friends like me. I so desperately needed a friend. I got on LDS Planet and I would message girls. I would introduce myself and say I am newly divorced and I need a friend. Not ONE of them replied. OK let’s be honest because that’s WEIRD. I just needed friends that would understand all the divorce things.
The Lord was walking with me though and he became my closest friend and ally. Soon, a friend in my ward got divorced and we were fast friends. We started to get included in activities and boy oh boy was that an eye opener.
Time has marched on and I have made so many wonderful friends. Each lovely, beautiful, and praiseworthy. My dear friend Adam taught everyone needs a friend and to be that friend. He was right.
There have been such beautiful connections and friendships made. Life has blossomed into something I never thought possible as a single divorced gal. The Savior, is still my best friend and closest confidant but I have been so blessed with friends whom I love and who love me.
Maybe, I am still single because you need a friend. Like I did. I wonder what is it that I am supposed to learn…maybe I haven’t learned the lesson yet. In the meantime I will love and be loved by my friends and the Savior. I will invite you awkwardly to do things, try new restaurants, and get out of your comfort zone. I will drag you around the world or vice versa on an epic adventure to a quaint Italian sea side village where the taste of basil gelato still rests on your lips.
So you’re divorced? Me too. Let’s be friends.