Ok. So here is my cycle.
I feel brave and confident and also bored.
I get back on the dating app and peruse a bit.
I usually chat up a few guys. I start to get to know them and then I get annoyed by something and that’s it. Sometimes a date is set and I cancel and sometimes I don’t even get that far and mostly I meet up with someone and think…I seriously could have been to dinner with my friends or watched Schitt’s Creek.
When I was in high school/college at a dance I used to think if I JUST KNEW who liked me it would be so much easier to make connections with the boys I like.
The weirdo brave guys always asked you to dance and then you spent the rest of the year trying to avoid those guys at every subsequent activity, lunch, football game, and in the hall at school.
Dating apps are like walking into a high school function except now every guy that thinks you’re cute has a bubble over his head that says, “I think you’re cute, AND YOU also have a bubble that says, I think YOU’RE CUTE TOO.” I now know who thinks I am cute and guess what??? I am STILL socially retarded. It literally hasn’t helped me at all.
I am still avoiding the Chester Molesters in the corner, the thirty-five year old asking me to dance when I am EIGHTEEN, and the super jerks.
Whilst, also saying nonchalantly hello to 1980’s Beachy Ken who is cordial but clearly thinks he is TOO COOL for school.
Gag. Super GAG.
Who then pretends he doesn’t know you when you see each other at the temple and makes you feel like you are the creepy chester molester. To which you slowly turn your head to your group of friends and act like you don’t know stupid Beachy Ken either. You don’t even LIKE Beachy Ken by the way, you’re just trying to be nice. But his slight makes you feel like a wart on a donkey’s left hemlock. Get OVER yourself Beachy Ken!
Just add twenty years and things have not changed and I am sitting here wondering holy moly what is wrong with me. Something must be wrong because I NOW KNOW who thinks I am cute and..here I am.
But you know, I believe in magic. Because as one of my favorite authors of all time says,
Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.
Roald Dahl
Sometimes, you find a little sparkle of glitter.
You meet someone cute and you start to talk and you think ok…so far so good and then….they do to you what you always do to others. Disappear. and you feel a tinge of sadness because it is nice for three seconds to connect with someone. Sigh. Karma is so dumb.
OR
You begin to talk to someone. You think you are pretty clever but you also wonder if he may be gay because what dude knows fashion icons?
And they start to ask a lot of questions and I sometimes find this annoying…
WHAT IN THE SERIOUS WHAT.
SEXY IN THE SHOWER?
Who isn’t sexy in the shower?
Is this necessary?
This is the cycle. I give up. Toe being removed from the dating pool. Is this supposed to be sexy? It isn’t. It’s creepy.
HELP ME.
XOXO- D
