My Dating Pool

Your Dating Pool AKA The Gaggle

Gaggle: A flock of geese not in flight. This is an adorable picture of ducks, not geese. However, ducks travel the same way as geese on ground and that is in a pack. There is a new theory to dating in the “post-dating” world. It is that each woman has her own gaggle of men. I know I have a gaggle of women too for that matter. There are certain women I call to complain too, shop with, go to the movies with etc. The same principals applies to your gaggle of men.

This gaggle of men may be your work out buddy, your co-worker, the hottie, your ex boyfriend you are still friends with, the ego booster, the helper, the late night relationship problem solver,..the list goes on and on and on. The point of this theory is that your emotional needs are being met by a myriad of men, not just one. 

On some level I think this is true because I look around at the men in my life, or my gaggle. The men I choose to spend time with and what wonderful qualities each one of them has. They are all unique and special to me. As I think about each one of these friends in my life, I am just grateful and happy that I DO have them. I guess what I have realized is that this “gaggle” is also my dating pool. There are possibilities that I never really thought about with each of these dapper dudes. I am getting to know them and their qualities good and bad. I am learning about me and what I like and don’t like about myself. I am learning that there is joy in having a gaggle. 

As a busy, dedicated teacher and Momma I do not have a lot of time to devote to building my gaggle. I just don’t. I do however feel like the happier I am, the more men I draw to me. They just appear, and for me that is the way it has to be. I don’t have hours to spend at a singles activities each week. I have a few precious hours without my kids and believe me if I am spending them with you, it means your pretty special. 

Now. There is another way to enlarge your dating pool. It is to join an online singles site. I belong to one that is affiliated with my church. I have a love hate relationship with it but I have met a lot of nice people and my dating pool has grown. Not many of these men get invited into the gaggle. I just don’t mess around with men I am not interested in. It takes time for me to let men into my inner circle, and this is part of the learning and growth that is taking place in my life. I have learned who I can trust and who I can’t. Some of the men in my gaggle I have known for YEARS and it is only through observation of their actions with others, how they conduct themselves, and how they treat me that I allow them in. It is a trust thing for me, I am not so trusting with my emotions or my children for that matter. 

Here is what I know to be true. You have to put the important things first, or there is no use in having a gaggle in the first place. The point of enlarging your dating pool or having a gaggle for that matter is to eventually find a person that you are happy being with AND that you know YOU can make happy. We all know faith with out works is dead, having a gaggle is part of the process in finding a future spouse. I firmly believe that the most joy a person can feel is when they are in a safe, loving, kind marriage. That is the plan, to have joy to be happy in a FAMILY. But what if you already have a family? Children of your own? The answer is, the gaggle is always secondary. Always. I guess UNTIL you find the golden goose that is. 

That leads me to tonight. I had a date set up. He called last night to confirm and then realized that the event we were going to go to wasn’t until NEXT weekend so we rescheduled. As, I lay in bed in the quiet knitting together some things in my mind I had a feeling that my daughter needed me. I felt strongly that I needed to take her on a “date.” That she desperately needed some one on one time with me. I was invited to go out with a member in my gaggle which I politely refused, and then I had the opportunity to go out with another man which I took a rain check. 

So my dating pool was narrowed considerably tonight…

and it was worth it, because she needed me and we had a lot of fun together. We watched Epic and then for dinner she wanted a pretzel. I think this is an important lesson, put the important things first. You see, I really believe that the right goose for me will be a man who values the important things but I FIRST have to do those things myself. 

I do not know if there has been a happier time in my life. I know what is important, I have wonderful relationships. I am balanced, I know what I need to do to stay at the top of my game. I am so lucky! I love my job, I get excited when I sit down to plan out a unit. Ideas will flood into my mind of what I should teach and how and that is so GRATIFYING! I love it! I love my children, we have been through some REALLY hard things but guess what??? We did it. You know, I don’t know what the future holds for me. I do hope that it is to be in a family again someday. I don’t know if the gaggle thing actually works to get to the end product of a family. In the mean time, I will be happy with what I have and I will continue to believe that something wonderful is about to happen. 

If not, at least I have Louie. He adores me.