Mourning Morning

True.

Sigh.

It has been a week.

A few thoughts. I think IKEA is the best place to shop ever because when you bring your stuff home it smells like cinnamon rolls. I mean is that a great ploy or what?

I wonder if divorce will ever stop being a part of me. Like when can I move on from that? Will I ever? Or as long as I have children and am working in a co-parenting team will I always have a slice of me that is divorce, like having blond hair, blue eyes, and freckles? I don’t know. Does that end when the children are 18 and out of the house? When there is no more co-parenting to do?

Long story short, Ellie had to be baptized Saturday morning so that her Dad and his new lovely wife could be sealed and she could attend. In my church people are sealed in a temple for time and all eternity.

Really and truly on a normal week this would have been no big deal, however the week before the last week of school with two days notice really made my head spin. I also wasn’t prepared for all of the feelings that came with it. It pushed me into grieving mode, full on mourning. I have to say I think feelings are terrible things, except for the happy ones. I like those. The sad feelings I can do without thank you very much. The truth of the matter is I was deeply sad. I was happy that my children’s father is moving forward. I am so glad about that. It gave me a few days to stop and think about the past, mourn it, see things I could change and have changed and move forward. It was hard not to feel stuck somehow though and a little bit let down. Did I miss the actual marriage? No. I didn’t. Was I sad that I wasn’t married, yes. I like being married and I miss having a companion.

As I reflected on the past I realized that it was time to focus on what was ahead of me. It was time to be in the present and just like a gift I realized that tomorrow there would be a new day. A new morning, fresh and clean. I could get up and it would be better than the ones I had behind me. That was a good feeling. I was also supported by my family. They came and helped me organize my classroom after Ellie’s baptism. That was another thing I realized my family sticks by me and loves me. I am so very grateful for them.

So I have learned that it is OK to be sad. It is OK to feel. I have also learned it is even better to wake up to a new day. Do the work you love and do it well. I am grateful for every single bright morning.

Things aren’t always so hard. Mostly, things are happy and sunshiny. I have a good life. I enjoy it. Here are some really good things. Ellie’s baptism deserves its own post. I will add that later.