A few interesting events happened today. The first was I ran into a guy I had dated shortly after my divorce and the second was lessons from running. I will start with the latter first.
Regrets: Maybe the fact that I looked like a clown on Monday when I ran. I wasn’t even paying attention. I just had to get out there and run. My legs were heavy and so on went the compression running socks. Voila. My next big purchase will be new running shoes this pair is so old I’ve run about six races and trained in this pair of shoes.
No Regrets: It has been a bit of a road building up miles running. You know mile one, three, six, and nine seem to be the biggest hurdles. Lately getting past two seemed daunting. Today I put on my running pants I ran the marathon in and tackled a four miler, man it felt good and hot and sweaty. That is the best way to start shift two. Take a minute to decompress from shift one which in my case is teaching school to begin shift two which is being the Mom. I had a little friend join me on the walk home. He reminded me of my childhood kitty named Popcorn. Is that not the prettiest walk home ever? I love it.
It Made Me Think
Tonight I decided to run
My ponytail went swish
Which made me think
Just Do It.
Swish
Marathon pants
Which made me think
Really? You are crying about four miles
Shoes that are crummy
Which made me think
My left toe is on fire
Blister
The sun is warm and the air is cool
Which made me think
Gratitude
Deep Breath
Greenfield Hill
Which made me think
This is hard
I can’t breathe
I feel nauseous
Which made me think
Did I eat enough today?
What did I even eat
Oh. Chicken Noodle Soup
Which made me think
I’m hungry
Growl.
Bieber on the radio
Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhhhhh
Which made me think
Change the song
Top of the hill
High Five the Pole
As usual
Which makes me happy
It is the homestretch
Home.
Regrets: An interesting thing happened today. As my class was heading out to lunch I saw a man I had dated about a year after my divorce. Let me just say for the record, I for one maybe should have sat that year out of dating. I was not what I would call emotionally stable. I was running the gamut of the stages of grief and trying to piece my broken life back together. I also so desperately needed friends and didn’t know where to turn. There were good things and bad things and a lot of lessons learned along the way. Anyway, in seeing this person I felt a new emotion. Regret.
Regret that I didn’t even know existed until I saw this person today. In seeing him today I actually could SEE him. I was sad that I had met him so early on because he is just the kind of person I would probably like today. I know things happen for a reason it just made me think. I know what my weaknesses are in dating. Trust is a major one, fear of rejection, fear of opening up, and even fear of it being right. I am so guarded with how I feel, in fact I don’t really even let myself feel for fear of it being handed back to me on a porcelain plate. It is also very easy to be caught up in the ins and outs of life because in reality I am one person doing the job of two. So that sure keeps one busy!
My thoughts have turned to asking the question, “What am I to learn from this experience?” This is something I am still processing but excited at the progress and learning that has taken place in my life. I feel excited about the future. I am grateful for the lessons. I can see so clearly my weaknesses and the things I am hoping to change. A few questions I have been asking myself each day are:
1. Am I the kind of person I would be interested in dating? If not what can I change?
2. Am I closer today to the Savior than I was yesterday? If not what can I change?
Looking forward to a future filled with a brightness of hope and no regrets.
One last regret…..I have been trying to be thrifty and use the food we have in the house in order to rotate it so it doesn’t go bad. I found a jar of pickled beets that I thought I would add to our supper. It was a good dinner! I made grilled BBQ chicken, green beans and carrots, sliced oranges, baked beans and the pickled beets. Someone was not happy about it. I learned that not everyone likes pickled beets as much as I do. Even if they are really, really, good ones in a glass jar from Costco.
XOXO- The Sunny D
