I have nearly been divorced for five years. Five Years. That means I earned my B.A. last year and in January I will graduate with my Masters in the subject. Certainly I should at least get a certificate, or a cookie or something. Maybe a boyfriend? Maybe. The one thing I can be sure of is I have studied up on this subject more during these five years than I ever have in my life. I have had intense hours with study groups (girlfriends and friend boys) discussing this topic of dating. I have analyzed my relationships, my friends relationships, what this means, what that means, what outfit to wear, weight loss, weight gain and its impact on dating, getting older, dating Mormons, dating Non-Mormons, Tinder, set-ups, LDS Planet, Singles Activities, what shoes to wear, how the dates went, or didn’t go. Trust me when I say I am an expert.
In fact I have dated much more than I ever did than the first time around and here is what I have
learned.
YEAR ONE:
If I were you I wouldn’t date the first year after the divorce. I get it. You want to meet people and have friends but the thing is you aren’t emotionally ready to date. I wasn’t and I dated and I wish I had given myself a chance to breathe. I see it all the time and the new divorcee’s are easy to spot. At least the new ones who are not emotionally ready in my opinion. You see a lot of “quote” posts about love and second chances. It is better to build a group of friends. That is what I think at least.
Single Parties/Activities……
Where do I start? I am not sure if anyone really meets anyone that ends in a marriage at these things. I am also not sure if anyone is really that interested in dating seriously. My personality isn’t one that necessarily does well at these types of activities. In large groups I’m not loud. I don’t command attention in fact I more of a wall flower. I usually pick a comfy spot to sit and see who comes to visit. Someone recently said to me, “Oh, so you are an elitist.” I am not a snob. No. That isn’t it at all and I know for a fact that anyone you talk to who knows me will vouch for my ability to hold a great conversation. Something weird happens to me in those situations, it is like I get a case of social anxiety that only occurs at Adult Single Parties. My advice to you is this, go to activities you actually like then you will feel happy afterward. As a single parent there are SO many things that take priority over singles parties so be choosy. I hate leaving a singles party thinking that time would have been better spent mopping my kitchen floor. However, if I go to an activity I like and I meet new friends I feel recharged. The singles activities that I like the best are firesides and active type activities where you play a sport or game. That way my brain is preoccupied and focused on the activity rather than thinking about how awkward it is to be almost forty but feel like I have re-entered high school. Except everyone has wrinkles and is old.
To Self Promote or Not Self Promote That is the Question
I was told that I don’t self promote enough on social media. Ok for one who has time for that? I don’t know about you but I am raising kids and working. I don’t need another BA in How to Market Oneself. Posting what I am doing or where I am going will not interest you. Trust me. It would look like this Check in at work, check in at Fry’s, Check in at the Bank, Scouts, Achievement Days……WHO CARES. Plus, do you really need a picture of me at all of these places? Or how about…ran 3 miles today. Now, I’m not saying don’t do those things I’m just saying is it necessary to do those things EVERYDAY?? In my opinion social media, tracking, and texting have ruined dating.
― Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane
― Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane